3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
