I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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