exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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