did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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