I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
