Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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