I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
