He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
