Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My hand turned me down
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
