..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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