i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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