just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
