Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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