Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".