Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."