You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
