You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine