i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.