the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong