Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
