He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
