Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
