Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
