erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's the barista slut.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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