last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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