Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
