You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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