Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He better not be in your backpack
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
