i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize