Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
