Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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