He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
