I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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