In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize