Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
