My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
