FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
