I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
