a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
