If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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