I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
