i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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