Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
