Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
