if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
