and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
