so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
