Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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