just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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