Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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