last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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