You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
