I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
