also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
