take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
