I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we should paint friendship bongs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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