We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
