I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
