So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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