Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
