he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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