and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
