Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
