1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
