Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
