Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
did you just send me my own nude
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
