I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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