I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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