come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
