my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
