THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
