You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
